For over three months now, all hair salons have been shut down. And people have started to totally lose it. I don’t mean their hair, I mean their patience. Men became bushier than ever, and women who normally have their hair dyed have gone on “roots watch,” as talk show host Kelly Ripa calls it. (Basically, they’re documenting the gradual return of grey.) Some celebrities decided to take a break from excessive grooming and go natural; others still try to maintain a Hollywood level of glamour and pamper themselves at home.
Due to self-isolation and borders being shut, only memes are traveling the world. “Choose Your Quarantine House” is a new social media creation. It gives you a choice of several houses full of people, real or fictional, and you must decide in which one you’d like to spend quarantine. People are sharing their responses as tweets and comments.
I’ve decided to come up with my own list of houses. You can choose your camp on the basis of… grooming!
Choose your “quarantine house”:
- “Messy Hair, Don’t Care”: Jim Carrey, Kevin Hart, Ali Wong.
If you were to land in the first house, there would be no extracurricular grooming activities. Everyone in this house has decided to let it go and let it grow.
Jim Carrey shared his hair plans on Twitter: “Day 1. I’m growing a beard until we all go back to work. I’ll post reg pics so you can marvel at the miracle of my meaningless transformation. Normally, I try to stay on the cutting edge of entertainment. Now I shall conquer the uncutting edge. Please join me. #letsgrowtogether.”
He announced this on March 23rd. People could watch the evolution of his unkempt beard. He kept his promise till May 10th, or day 49 for him. After he caved, he tweeted: “I shaved because…hey, I don’t need a reason. I just shaved damn-it!” Ugh, promises, promises. Does he still belong in this house?
Fans started commenting that Kevin Hart got more grey hair while in isolation. But Kevin is not the guy to be bullied like that. He will bully you back. He posted an Instagram video addressing his grey hair situation: “I got stories for days 🤷🏾♂️😂 P.S I have always had a shit load of grey hair…I was just a frequent dyer 😂😂😂😂…I’m not working right now so I said FUCK IT 😂😂😂” (That’s a lot of emojis, but maybe there’s no need to carefully tend to emojis anymore, either!)
Ali Wong shared her quarantine “beauty routine” on Instagram, which reminded some fans of her comedic sketches:
My hair: “I miss shampoo and water.”
Me: “Tomorrow, I promise.”
My hair: “You’ve been saying that everyday for the past 10 days.”
This house seems to be popular with stand-up comedians and actors who are best known for their comedic roles. It could be a funny place, with no BS about keeping up with normal beauty standards during an abnormal time.
- “The House of Pink”: Elle Fanning, Dua Lipa, Sarah Michelle Gellar.
Everyone here dyed their hair pink!
There was a lot said about hair dye becoming “the new toilet paper.” And these celebrities sort of proved that point. Even stars are dying their hair by themselves now! Something unthinkable for Beverly Hills…
Elle Fanning went pink on March 25th and she shared a picture of her isolation transformation on social media.
Singer Dua Lipa shared her metamorphosis on Instagram by captioning a post: “🌸Quarantine diaries🌸 – this weeks experiment… pink hair.”
Sarah Michelle Gellar doesn’t slay vampires anymore; she has another important task on her quarantine “to-do list.” One of them is dyeing her hair pink — “a new and creative way to embarrass my children,” she said in her Instagram video.
- “DIY Experts”: Ricky Martin, Tallulah Willis, Armie Hammer.
Everyone in this house handles their grooming in a dramatic way: they shaved their hair off!
American actress Tallulah Willis, a daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, accepted her dad’s help with a buzz and posted the video on Instagram. A voice in the background said: “You look like Joan of Arc, dude!” She did look like a real badass but she also proved the theory that history repeats itself. Was her Instagram video a short version of the 1997 movie “G.I. Jane”? Her mom had to buzz her hair on camera while playing a fictional character, Jordan O’Neil, the first woman to undergo training in the U.S. Navy Special Warfare Group.
Armie Hammer also joined this house and I couldn’t even recognize him anymore. I thought to myself: “Was Joe Exotic released from federal prison?” Hammer looked like the Tiger King with his hair buzzed on the sides, a prominent mohawk and… brace yourself… a horseshoe mustache (also known as a biker mustache)! Hammer captioned the picture with the words: “Killing the game.” Well, maybe that’s a good note to end this little game on.
There, now you have your choice of quarantine houses: Choose carefully! Both now, and in November. And if we are being serious, do whatever works for you. Groom or not groom, just don’t be gloomy.